Inspiration from a 3-year Old

Hey! What's going on?
What's wrong?
I know there's something we can do.
It might not be clear and
That's why I''m here
Tell me what's bothering yo.
You've got something on your mind
Don't keep it inside
You know you're going to be fine
Hey! What's wrong?
I know there's something we can do.
     Words from a song on Doc McStuffins
I was feeling a little sad, a little out of sorts, and maybe just a touch sick. While I thought I was covering it all up quite well, my grand-daughter approached me, patted my hand, and then tenderly sang this song. My first thought, What perception! My second thought was to really listen to the words. How important and how valuable to me - and to anyone who just needs some support or a pick-me-up.
Each time she sings to me, the words vary slightly, but the meaning remains to same, although maybe  just a little more powerful because of the sweetness shared and the love reflected in her eyes. I have adopted this as my new theme song!

Getting Your Proverbial Ducks in a Row

While dying and death are difficult topics, topics that it are usually hard for each of us to talk about and even harder for many loved ones to listen to, being informed and prepared is vital. While of "sound mind and body" we can express wishes, divide an estate, and communicate our desires. Waiting may mean a physical and/or mental decline that prevents us from sharing our intents and means that survivors may not know just exactly what we really wanted at the end of life.
Considerations:
Do you have a will? I've been advised that a "simple will" is not only simpler, but it can cover just about all aspects of an estate. This will caries who gets what and also how assets are divided, such as "Sell the house" and divide the proceeds; Fred gets the car and Rosie receives the pick-up. I did not realize until recently that step-children fall outside of the realm of regular inheritance unless they are named specifically as recipients or unless they have been adopted. With many blended families, stipulating inheritance increases in importance. I was also advised that for all smaller items like, "Mother's bookcase" or "Great Uncle Jim's gun collection", an attached sheet on the will that can be removed and replaced as times and circumstances change is far better than having every item listed in the will that has been witnessed and notarized. In the latter, a formal process is necessary to make desired adjustments.
So there is your assignment for the week: Get that will in order and processed. Whether an online document is downloaded or an appointment with a lawyer or CPA is deemed best, do it now. This enables a far easier transition for those who come after.

Being Kind - Reflections of Fred Rogers

I recently finished the biography of Fred Rogers, the famous Mr. Rogers of the Neighborhood. The opening begins with this quote:
          There are three ways to ultimate success:
          The first way is to be kind.
          The second way is to be kind.
          The third way is to be kind.
Wow! Doesn't that seem simple. And yet it seems that being kind, especially being kind in that gentle, loving way of Fred Rogers, is a challenging endeavor. Should it be? I think not, however, for me when things get rough, when someone has been tough, when I am feeling blue, my initial reactions are shock and disappoint, but then it seems I quickly move to anger then resignation. At I time when I  need to shine my brightest and kindest, I duck and cover and try to heal and forget.
So kindness in all situations, meetings, and interactions has been added to my New Year's Resolutions.
When someone rejects my ideas, I will show appreciation of the opinion and most often accept that no matter what I do, the other person will not budge in my direction. I will be kind.
When someone spits anger at my suggestions, I will nod in a knowing way while accepting that things most probably will not change. I will be kind.
When someone stomps on my heart to break my will, I will ever-so-slightly grit my teeth, smile as I realize my current tact is of no avail. I will be kind.
And finally, I will strive to demonstrate kindness as I show appreciation and acceptance of a differing viewpoint, and quickly regroup my beliefs and values and plunge forward.
Fred Rogers' book came to me after a bleak and hurtful response from a board to whom I had hoped to offer a terrific product. I have searched high and low for a suitable solution to this dilemma, a way to clarify and clear misconceptions, and I know above all I must be kind. Minds are set; my explanations will not resonate; my reasoning will be ripped.
Yep. You guessed it. I will be kind as a calmly exit the scene.

POLST

I have received several emails from POLST. Not recognizing the acronym, I decided it was political in nature and so have deleted each message as quickly as it arrived. Last week, however, I learned that POLST stands for Physicians Order for Life-Sustaining Treatments. While this does not exist in every state, we have this wonderful service in Nevada. The papers involved, signed by your primary care doctor, list the types of treatment - if any - you would want if you were incapacitated.
While Advance Directives may state, "no heroics", when paramedics arrive it is their job and responsibility to save a life, regardless of the individuals wishes. Since these wishes cannot be communicated by someone who is incapacitated, someone seeking an end-of-life-choice for a terminal illness may be revived. POLST prevents this. Paramedics may have been called out of frenzy and fear, but these papers, usually pink or red, posted in a conspicuous place like the refrigerator mean the paramedics know and understand your wishes, they will fulfill them, and a quiet death may ensue rather than frantic pounding and beating on a body whose life is near its end.
I do not mean to sound cold here, but when someone has decided that pain and suffering and medication and surgery are not a solution but an aggravation to a problem, it is important to listen, allow, and permit an individual's decision.

10 Ways to Assist a Family Living with Alzheimer's

The following 10 items have been identified by the Alzheimer's Association as excellent ways to help a family living with this dreadful disease.
1. Educate yourself by learning about the effects and how to best respond.
2. Stay in touch with cards, phone calls and visits to demonstrate that you care.
3. Be patient knowing that Alzheimer's is an ongoing process and that each person reacts differently.
4. Offer a friendly shoulder to lean on to help alleviate stress.
5. Engage the person with dementia in meaningful conversation.
6. Offer assistance with the family to-do list such as preparing a meal, running errands, or providing a ride.
7. Engage family members in activities - a walk, a board game, a trip to the zoo...
8. Provide a reprieve by offering time so that caregivers can have some time alone or visiting friends.
9. Be flexible and avoid getting frustrated if individuals do not immediately accept help. It takes times to assess needs.
10. Get involved by becoming an Alzheimer's Advocate or participating the awareness events like the Turkey Trot or the Longest Day.

What an Early-Stage Alzheimer's Individual Hopes You Understand

from the Alzheimer's Association publication "Understanding is the first step to helping".

• I am still the same person I was before my diagnosis.
• My independence is valuable; ask me what I am still comfortable doing and with what I may need help.
• Keep me engaged by inviting me to participate is activities we both enjoy.
• Don't make assumptions - every person is effected differently by Alzheimer's disease.
• Ask me how I am doing. I am living with a disease just like cancer or heart disease.
• talk to me directly to involve me in meaningful conversation.
• Don't pull away or hide. It's OK if you do not know what to do or say. Just be my friend.

Realize that my family may need time to adjust. The larger the family, the more interpretations that may exist. We need time to ourselves and we need time with you. Stay connected with us. Know that every kind gesture is appreciated.