I am a super lover of projects. Whether these are art, exercise, and fun pursuits or major work events, I just enjoy being engaged. With a loved one with dementia or Alzheimer's there are many things you can do to keep him/her involved and delighted.
Most people love games. In our respite retreat held twice monthly (hopefully moving this fall to every Monday), we play Yahtzee, dominoes, simple rummy, and Scrabble. The first is quick and easy - roll some dice and select what to save. It is engaging yet not too challenging. I love the way we all celebrate the success of other players - a Yahtzee for 1 is a Yahtzee for all. One of our respite attendees discussed having played Yard Yahtzee with giant dice. I need to check this one out for an out-of-doors play-day bit of fun.
Dominoes has been perfect, too. Just like rummy, most people have played dominoes before and just about everyone has their own set of rules. I love rule adjustment to fit the situation so these two games match well will our respite attendees and facilitators. We prefer the dominoes with large dots (and chips up to the double 6). They are easy to see and make for better involvement than the dominoes sets that go to double 12. The smaller game moves quickly and that's nice when we have time constraints.
Scrabble sometimes requires assistance for the loved one with dementia, but that's okay, too. I enjoy just playing letters where appropriate whether it is my turn or my partner's. We are still talking and spelling words, good exercises for the brain.
The most valuable asset of any game is the socialization that occurs. Chatter and interaction are key to good health and happiness. Games bring these out in a fantastic way.
Monday, May 27, 2019
Tuesday, May 21, 2019
So What Can You Do to Help Isolated People?
There are many possibilities for helping those who are so alone and isolated, whether by choice or by life events. Flexibility is key as every individual is different, has different needs, and will accept your friendship in a unique way. Multiple tries accompanied with multiple approaches may well be necessary.
1. If you already have a friendship with someone now residing alone, nourish and rekindle it. There is a past to build on; a future to create.
2. Schedule time for your friend. I know at times when I look at my planner I gasp in disbelief as it seems every minute is booked. Think about where you can free up time like sharing breakfast, enjoying a walk and talk, or heading out to a movie or other in-common event.
3. Become a volunteer. Many organizations are frantically seeking volunteers to assist in a multitude of ways. Volunteering to visit in a home provides the opportunity for friendship to blossom and happiness to bloom.
If it is you who is feeling lonely...
1. Get involved. Maybe you feel nervous about venturing into the volunteer arena, so join a group with endeavors you enjoy - you will find that you help your own soul while also helping others as you expand ideas, keep busy, and grow. It can really become a self-discovery adventure.
2. Join clubs or organizations, take a class in a challenging subject, begin a new hobby like playing the guitar or gardening. It may take time to find the perfect pursuit but it is out there somewhere just waiting for your engagement.
3. Meet new people. Oh, this can be a tough one, especially when you are feeling alone, maybe even desperately alone, and venturing out is just plain frightening. It can take time to wiggle yourself into a new group in a new environment. Libraries often offer book clubs - there's a start. Service organizations like Lions Club and Rotary always want new members - there's a second start. School frequently need volunteers to read to students or chaperone events - there might be something interesting to reflect on.
Happy day to you as you seek to eradicate loneliness and isolation and transform it into joyful experiences.
1. If you already have a friendship with someone now residing alone, nourish and rekindle it. There is a past to build on; a future to create.
2. Schedule time for your friend. I know at times when I look at my planner I gasp in disbelief as it seems every minute is booked. Think about where you can free up time like sharing breakfast, enjoying a walk and talk, or heading out to a movie or other in-common event.
3. Become a volunteer. Many organizations are frantically seeking volunteers to assist in a multitude of ways. Volunteering to visit in a home provides the opportunity for friendship to blossom and happiness to bloom.
If it is you who is feeling lonely...
1. Get involved. Maybe you feel nervous about venturing into the volunteer arena, so join a group with endeavors you enjoy - you will find that you help your own soul while also helping others as you expand ideas, keep busy, and grow. It can really become a self-discovery adventure.
2. Join clubs or organizations, take a class in a challenging subject, begin a new hobby like playing the guitar or gardening. It may take time to find the perfect pursuit but it is out there somewhere just waiting for your engagement.
3. Meet new people. Oh, this can be a tough one, especially when you are feeling alone, maybe even desperately alone, and venturing out is just plain frightening. It can take time to wiggle yourself into a new group in a new environment. Libraries often offer book clubs - there's a start. Service organizations like Lions Club and Rotary always want new members - there's a second start. School frequently need volunteers to read to students or chaperone events - there might be something interesting to reflect on.
Happy day to you as you seek to eradicate loneliness and isolation and transform it into joyful experiences.
Wednesday, May 8, 2019
Some of the Hazards of Social Isolation
As discussed previously, a little time alone is good for us to think, regroup, and enjoy solitude. Too much time alone, however, can cause mental and physical damage. Now the mental part is easy to get. When you are alone all of the time, you do not share conversation, bounce ideas around with others, play in a group, laugh uproariously with friends, or divulge secrets, concerns, and deep thoughts. All of these are snuffed out because of a lack of interconnectedness with others. Research has shown that mental health deteriorates through lack of associations and may even lead to early onset dementia.
You can probably pull up an image of a cranky old woman who lived in an apparently haunted house, who growled and snarled and rarely muttered a peep. She lived across the street from me when I was little and while my image may be completely false in reality, it is the first that comes to mind when I think of dementia, forgetfulness, and treacherous behavior. I realize now that maybe had I said hello, provided her with a bouquet of flowers, or just smiled and waved I might have brought her some happiness and peace of mind. Loneliness is an awesome pain.
According to Connect2Affect of AARP isolation has additional negative side effects including increased susceptibility to the flu (poor eating and hygiene may play into this), high blood pressure (poor eating and lack of exercise may factor in here), and the risk of heart disease (poor eating, lack of exercise, inability or desire to access health care all lead to increased illness).
Having friends and socializing make a positive difference in outlook as well as health. This does not mean all-out, full-time, every-second-of-the-day togetherness, but it does mean daily - hopefully several times per day - moments of connectivity with vital family members and friends.
You can probably pull up an image of a cranky old woman who lived in an apparently haunted house, who growled and snarled and rarely muttered a peep. She lived across the street from me when I was little and while my image may be completely false in reality, it is the first that comes to mind when I think of dementia, forgetfulness, and treacherous behavior. I realize now that maybe had I said hello, provided her with a bouquet of flowers, or just smiled and waved I might have brought her some happiness and peace of mind. Loneliness is an awesome pain.
According to Connect2Affect of AARP isolation has additional negative side effects including increased susceptibility to the flu (poor eating and hygiene may play into this), high blood pressure (poor eating and lack of exercise may factor in here), and the risk of heart disease (poor eating, lack of exercise, inability or desire to access health care all lead to increased illness).
Having friends and socializing make a positive difference in outlook as well as health. This does not mean all-out, full-time, every-second-of-the-day togetherness, but it does mean daily - hopefully several times per day - moments of connectivity with vital family members and friends.
Monday, May 6, 2019
Social Isolation
Many people as they age find themselves in social isolation. Social isolation means being left out, whether by choice or by circumstances, of a regular social network. While some enjoy the consistency of being alone, humans are, overall social. We like to gather, chat, engage, and share in conversation and camaraderie.
My father-in-law really liked his social isolation. Living on a farm with the closest neighbor 5 miles away and us, his family, 120 miles away, seemed fine for him. His isolation went beyond what many might consider normal: 20 miles away from the nearest phone, 60 miles from groceries, gas, or supplies, and just 1, very hazy television station for world connection. He liked the quiet, the peace afforded him with just a dog and some livestock to keep him company. While we visited almost every weekend and all summer long, he loved to see us come and I am certain he loved to see us go. I believe he is an exception to the social rule of isolation by choice.
Through hospice, I interacted with several individuals, several of whom lived in isolation. While some had spouses/significant others, they had made errors in judgment during life that had caused all other family members and friends to pull away. Most often this withdrawal included drugs and imprisonment, but as life reached an end, they longed for reconnecting and begin forgiveness. Reconnections rarely ensued. I, as an outsider, became more family-like than blood relations. It was heartbreaking to watch each one die of a broken heart because mending had become impossible.
My next three blogs will add more background information on loneliness, social isolation, and potential remedies.
My father-in-law really liked his social isolation. Living on a farm with the closest neighbor 5 miles away and us, his family, 120 miles away, seemed fine for him. His isolation went beyond what many might consider normal: 20 miles away from the nearest phone, 60 miles from groceries, gas, or supplies, and just 1, very hazy television station for world connection. He liked the quiet, the peace afforded him with just a dog and some livestock to keep him company. While we visited almost every weekend and all summer long, he loved to see us come and I am certain he loved to see us go. I believe he is an exception to the social rule of isolation by choice.
Through hospice, I interacted with several individuals, several of whom lived in isolation. While some had spouses/significant others, they had made errors in judgment during life that had caused all other family members and friends to pull away. Most often this withdrawal included drugs and imprisonment, but as life reached an end, they longed for reconnecting and begin forgiveness. Reconnections rarely ensued. I, as an outsider, became more family-like than blood relations. It was heartbreaking to watch each one die of a broken heart because mending had become impossible.
My next three blogs will add more background information on loneliness, social isolation, and potential remedies.
Wednesday, May 1, 2019
Loneliness and Dementia
As an Alzheimer's disease support group facilitator I am required to have my attendees complete an annual survey that is shared with our local Alzheimer's Association as well as then sent on to national headquarters. These are private - no names required - and to maintain privacy of my group members, sometimes I scan a few of the answers and on other years I simply slip them into the mailer and send them on their way.
One of the questions I glanced at this year asked about loneliness, something like, "Does attending a support group help you fend off loneliness or the sense of being alone?" I felt I had been doing a fairly good job about welcoming, caring for, and assisting my caregivers, but their responses reflected the deep loneliness they felt as they traveled the Alzheimer's Trail.
I thought deeply about this - What can I do? How can I change this sense of aloneness? What is truly meant by loneliness? While I will include these questions during discussion at my support group meeting next week, for now I am left with pondering this emotional hole. First, what is loneliness? Is it the alone feeling that remains as a loved one descends into the depths of dementia? Is it the sense of abandonment as family members shy away from encounters with the loved one with dementia? Is it the blasts of advice that are delivered by (primarily) well-meaning friends when just a compassionate pat or hug would do so much more to alleviate the pain? Is it feeling alone in a crowd? Is it feeling alone when in a solitary place? Is it a state of mind or a state of being?
Loneliness and aloneness will be the focus of next few blogs. If you have insight and information to share, please do so. Thanks in advance.
One of the questions I glanced at this year asked about loneliness, something like, "Does attending a support group help you fend off loneliness or the sense of being alone?" I felt I had been doing a fairly good job about welcoming, caring for, and assisting my caregivers, but their responses reflected the deep loneliness they felt as they traveled the Alzheimer's Trail.
I thought deeply about this - What can I do? How can I change this sense of aloneness? What is truly meant by loneliness? While I will include these questions during discussion at my support group meeting next week, for now I am left with pondering this emotional hole. First, what is loneliness? Is it the alone feeling that remains as a loved one descends into the depths of dementia? Is it the sense of abandonment as family members shy away from encounters with the loved one with dementia? Is it the blasts of advice that are delivered by (primarily) well-meaning friends when just a compassionate pat or hug would do so much more to alleviate the pain? Is it feeling alone in a crowd? Is it feeling alone when in a solitary place? Is it a state of mind or a state of being?
Loneliness and aloneness will be the focus of next few blogs. If you have insight and information to share, please do so. Thanks in advance.
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