50 First Dates - ADF Movie Launch

            Age- and Dementia-Friendly Winnemucca had the launch of its movie series with the presentation of 50 First Dates at Park Cinemas. With movies focused on forgetfulness, brain injury, PTSD, dementia, and Alzheimer’s disease, our team members are seeking ways to educate our community about behaviors, attitudes, misunderstandings, and misinterpretations about cognitive decline in an open atmosphere of learning. One of our crew members received a Facebook comment questioning why we would be showing 50 First Dates, a film focused on traumatic brain injury, when someone in attendance, a loved one, or a caregiver might be present who might be experiencing such a decline. Well, that’s the point. If we discuss confusion, forgetfulness, every day/hour/minute becoming a new moment or repetitive moment in life that disregards connections of instances that took place just beforehand, we can better support a loved one who has mental challenges or difficulty.

            As I have mentioned to many, I had no idea that Adam Sandler could portray such a kind and sensitive role as he does in this movie – loving Drew Barrymore regardless of her memory loss and daily replication of life. I admire the loving reactions of her father to ease her stress about forgetting. One of the most profound statements reflects Sandler’s belief that every kiss should be just like the first one – sweet, tender, honest, committed. I go beyond that with every sunrise and sunset, every encounter and discussion, every hug and utterance, should be as rich and as meaningful as the first. Sandler the philosopher – wow! I would have never imagined.

            In chatting with Lowry Cheer who heads up our annual Tie-One-On event for Alzheimer’s Awareness I mentioned the movie, 20 First Dates. Puzzled faces then asked, “You mean 50?” Yep, I let them know that I had simply forgotten 30 of those dates. I have to laugh at my own absentmindedness that invades from time to time.

Appreciating Culture

Another key element of the Bravo Zulu presentation that I have been writing about is appreciating culture. While the initial focus of the presentation is on the various cultures of the branches of the military, as I listened I constantly thought about the multitude of cultures we each encounter every day: family, rank order in a family, an adoptive or in-law relationship family, co-worker family, church family, social organization networks... The list could extend forever.
While often we gravitate toward cultures that reflect our own truths and beliefs, this is not always possible. Take work for example. While every employee may be headed for the same goal, there are lots of ways to get there, numerous interpretations of products and events, and extensive differences in perspectives and opinions. Roughly gathered backgrounds can work as a strengthening force or as a detrimental one. The strengthening comes from listening to and respecting the ideas of others while feeling that one's own ideas are accepted as well. Listened to, modified, adjusted, and redesigned, a strong group compromises to attain optimal results.
If, however, the group is so seeped in individualism and a lack of ability to consider and evaluate other potentials, the efforts will most likely be detrimental to progress. An inability to think about and reflect on a variety of possibilities inhibits their exposure and growth. A good leader works to advance approaches that vary but have similar objectives; an inept or insecure leader guides through authoritarian practices and disdain for others input.
Our individual culture reflects our attitudes, beliefs, behaviors, and values; our functioning group culture amalgamates and combines, divides, multiplies, and introduces other analytical functions to create a best case scenario. Groups that stomp, moan, berate, and accept nothing but its own culture rarely achieve long-lasting success.
And so it is within family dynamics. The family who works as a team to confront and solve issues or problems is far more likely to achieve success than one that falls into the pit of negativity and disgust of others.

More About Creating Powerful Partnerships

    What is an authentic partnership? While we form many partnerships throughout life, some are just temporary, some fall apart over time, but the most valuable ones, the essential partnerships are constructed for the long-term, based on mutual respect and personal regard. How important are authentic partnerships in your life?
     I recently attended a presentation, "Bravo Zulu". Dr. Jennifer Carson shared vast information about the relationships we form and how we value each. While she focused on the military, examining the various branches and what partnerships might mean to each, I found that every bit of her information was vital for any and all relationships. The more we share and care, the stronger the bonds created.
    Certain elements make for a empowerment, equality, and collective capacity. These include having a genuine regard for oneself as well as other members of the partnership, focusing on shared goals and processes, and constructing inter-connectedness that builds energy and trust. A shared vision, a belief in one another, decision-making that reflects the wants and needs of all, and using perspectives of self and others to determine the best steps forward.
    Some of the requirements to expand relationships include regular reflection and dialogue. Think about a movie you have watched where the characters are mired in confusion and mistrust. As viewers, we have often seen the multiple sides of the situation, however, the actors appear oblivious to external events. Imagine if they just talked? They might then connect and commit to a direction that could solve problems. With conversation comes the idea of a safe place: "I shared and it was accepted; now I can speak once again." Or the opposite: "That was horrendous - time to cut and run!"
    When we value perspectives, ideas, and ideals, relationships grow. Diversity is respected just as commonality is enjoyed and revered. Once the communication gates are open, partners can work to keep them open, or to close them slightly or temporarily when going forward is too painfully, too close to the heart. What a difference one-on-one time makes in designing strength and extending connections.
    As mentioned, relationships come in many forms: parent or guardian 1 to parent or guardian 2; parents to children; sibling to sibling; extended family to other family members. Those within this realm are often the toughest, referencing the old adage, "You can choose your friends, but your family has already been chosen." Like it or not, family is yours forever. Even moving, cutting people off, slicing the ties while adding distance, do not make individuals less related. So why not just talk? Why not try to communicate? Why not consider a relationship? Why not some authenticity?

Authenitc Partnerships

     Think about a super partnership in your life. This may be with a family member, a coworker, or a dear friend. Now jot down all of the fine qualities that that individual possesses and how s/he adds to the value of your life. Kindness, organization, a good listener, a helper, someone who follows through... Those are just a few of the qualities that pop into my mind. Recently I have discovered, too, that I need those who are ready and willing to provide me with a hug of support when I am feeling down. What a difference this can make in making my spirits soar.
     In relationship-centered care and relationship-centered situations, I would also like to think that my caregiver/my care partner/my instructor also exemplifies these characteristics. I realize that for many hugging is taboo, however, for me human touch is essential. I do know of friends who become nervous and discontent with touch and I have learned to carefully avoid entering space where I will not be welcome. This last awareness is vital for relationship-centered instances because it reflects that I truly understand the wants and needs of myself as well as those of another individual.
     Researchers at the University of Waterloo in Canada worked in partnership with persons living with dementia to understand what it takes to develop an authentic partnership versus just being there and completing a job. Three guiding concepts include promoting empowerment and equality, sharing decision making responsibilities, and incorporating diverse perspectives. How valuable for one living with dementia to be appreciated as a thinking, feeling individual with particular outlooks, insights, perspectives, and desires.

The 6 Senses of Relationship Centered Care - Employee Care Partner

For employees, the following are essential:
Security: feeling free from physical threat or rebuke by working in a safe, secure environment and supportive culture.
Continuity: having positive experiences when working with older people and exposure to good role models and environments of care. Expectations and standards of care must be clearly communicated.
Belonging: sensing team membership and being recognized for personal contribution.
Purpose: having a sense of direction with clear goals to aspire to,
Achievement: knowing the care partner is able to provide good care and to feel satisfied with his/her efforts by implementing skills and abilities to the fullest.
Significance: feeling the care provided is valued and important.

The 6 Senses of Relationship Centered Care - Family Care Partner/Caregiver

The 6 senses for the family care partner/caregiver include:
Security: feeling confident in the ability to provide good care without excess detriment to self. Sound support networks are so valuable.
Continuity: sharing pursuits with the individual receiving care helps ensure that personal standards of care are maintained across the care environment.
Belonging: maintaining a valued relationship to whom the recipient of care can trust and feel that s/he is not alone is essential.
Purpose: keeping dignity, integrity, and well-being of the care recipient at the forefront entails timely intervention while respecting personhood.
Achievement: loved ones providing care need to know that they are giving the best care possible and that they are able to meet challenges as they develop new skills and abilities.
Significance: care partners/caregivers need to feel that their efforts are valued and appreciated by their loved ones, when possible, but also by family and friends.

Reviewing the 6 Senses of Relationship-Centered Care - Direct Recipient

The 6 Senses for the Recipient
Security: attention must be made to meet physical and psychological needs. The individual must feel safe from harm, threat, pain, or discomfort. I'd add that this discomfort might well be decisions being made over the head of the individual - keeping him or her out of the loop of conversation.
Continuity: the individual must be recognized as a person with value and a distinct past, present and future. Consistency in care delivered with competence and sensitivity is essential.
Belonging: the individual needs chances to form meaningful relationships and to feel a part of a community - not a secluded and lonely bystander.
Purpose: being engaged in meaningful and purposeful activities help individuals stay stronger and more independent. Having reasonable goals and challenges is important.
Achievement: the individual needs to enjoy a sense of accomplishment and to feel satisfied with personal efforts. Knowing that s/he has contributed increases a healthy outlook.
Significance: when a person feels that they matter, life is just better.