Alzheimer's and other dementias slowly rob an individual of the power of emotional regulation. Roles as parent or spouse change irreversibly and you, the caregiver, are quite likely left with feelings of loneliness, helplessness, and betrayal. Grieving after death is accepted as natural; grieving during painful cognitive decline is often not realized as a natural part of losing one we love over months and years. Anger and denial may fill the void of a diminished relationship; blame and depression may also result. The happy retirement disappears as full-time caregiving fills your life.
And then, of course, guilt waltzes in to destroy the last shreds of confidence. "If I had only been kinder, more patient, more understanding, more..." Often you cannot hold these behaviors accountable because this frustrating loss is so long, debilitating, and devastating. A support group can help; a counselor can ease pain; good friends (who listen and do not advise) can make a difference as tough decisions must be made. Should this surgery take place? Would Dad be happier in a daycare setting instead of home alone? Would Mom prefer long-term care over the tangles and fights that currently ensue?
As for the caregiver, there is life beyond and after Alzheimer's and other dementias. There are assistance programs and ideas for your future available through family, friends, support groups, and the Alzheimer's Association. Do not be afraid to seek assistance and to receive support.
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